I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
