he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
