Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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