We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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