I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the condom got lost in my hair
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
