the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
