Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
