Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
