he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
