Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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