The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
