sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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