just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
