And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
