Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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