i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
