That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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