he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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