I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
In America we eat man semen.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
