I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
