drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
