don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
