How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
