I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
