I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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