I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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