Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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