Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
