I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love having hate sex.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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