Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
