OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
