but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
