I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
