fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
