im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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