The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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