i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
