The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
