a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
