I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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