i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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