I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize