I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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