Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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