I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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