Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
