Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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