I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
