Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
