Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
