what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
