went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
