I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize