You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
