Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
