i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
