It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just found puke in my bra..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize