Kiss
Puke
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
