I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
