i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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