is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
