Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
