I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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