Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
