Soap is not a condiment
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
