at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
