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the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize