Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
