I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
