my phone needs a breathalizer
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
