I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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