btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
