I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
