when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
