My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
