hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
