why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
