he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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