Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
