I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
