I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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