so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It's Friday. Sex?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
