I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
