He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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