Umm I'm too high to move.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Boobs speak an international language.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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