I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
