Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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