We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
