I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
