hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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